


Memories

by Kiibear



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, KrisHo - Freeform, M/M, Mental Illness, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 10:01:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20890277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiibear/pseuds/Kiibear
Summary: Wu Yifan and Kim Junmyeon were a happy and joyful couple, nothing seemed to be wrong until Junmyeon had been hit with some unexpected news about his health. Though times got rough, Yifan promised himself to always be there for his significant other.





	1. A small memory.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, this is Ki, or also known as Dewy. This is my first time posting on this site, but if you see this fic anywhere else, do not panic, I promise it's me. I'm mostly found on Exo Amino, which is where I post all of my fanfiction first. Anyway, I just wanted to say that if the tags or summary didn't give you enough of a warning that this is an angsty story, with no real happy ending, then you still have time to turn back. If you want to continue, then I hope you enjoy!^^

The car ride was silent, neither dared to say a word and it's been that way ever since they left the doctor's office. Yifan tried to speak to his fiance at some point during the ride back home, but Junmyeon seemed to be deep in thought. He stopped trying after a few attempts, turning up the radio instead so it would overcome the silent and depressing atmosphere that was suffocating him. 

The ride from the doctor to their house was at most a twenty-minute drive, for they lived just outside the city. When they arrived home, Yifan hoped that he could sit down and comfort Junmyeon, however that wasn't the case. Upon entering their shared house - that was so gratefully rented to them by their friends Chanyeol and Baekhyun - Junmyeon was quick to make his way into their room and lock himself in. He wanted time to himself, to process the information given to him and take it all in. He was still in shock and he felt overwhelmed by everything.

Yifan wasn’t surprised, but he was disappointed. He frowned and with a sigh he placed his keys on the kitchen counter and made his way to the bedroom door. 

"Myeon,” He called out softly, “open the door please," He calmly pleaded but received no response.

"Junmyeon, please open the door. Talk to me." He tried once more, knocking on the door while doing so. Yet, nothing. There was no sound. Absolute quietness. That could only mean that Junmyeon wasn't even crying. Yifan has spent years with Junmyeon, he knows how he cries or how he reacts to difficult situations. He was right, Junmyeon was indeed not crying. Instead, he stared blankly at the coffee brown painted walls of their bedroom, after lying down on his side. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly. He was quiet on the outside, but on the inside, he was a mess. He was thinking of so many things yet the one subject that kept popping up and made him even more afraid and depressed about the situation was about that one person who was trying so desperately to get into the room to comfort him.

He was too worried about the future. It was giving him anxiety, it was giving him a headache. What has he done to deserve this punishment and to harm those around him? He was a good person. He never did anything wrong, so why was God punishing him this way?

Yifan knew that Junmyeon just needed some time to himself. He needed to rest and calm down, so he retreated back into the kitchen to prepare something to eat. 

Three hours have passed and Junmyeon has still not left their room. It was concerning and Yifan tried once more to talk to him. 

“Jun?” He knocked on the door, “I made food. You haven’t eaten all day, come eat, please?” He waited for a response.

“Go away.” He faintly heard, making his heart heavy. He felt pushed away, which wasn’t what Junmyeon intended. However, Yifan did as told. He walked away and gave him time.

The hours went by, the sun said goodbye and the moon greeted the sky. Yifan had spent his time watching tv but also sending texts to Junmyeon, in hope that response might come in. Again, nothing. 

It was getting late and he’s heard nothing from his partner. Standing up from the comfort of the couch, he walked over to the bedroom door once more and lightly knocked. 

“Jun? I know you want time alone, I just wanted to remind you that I’m always here for you. I’ll be waiting right here, okay?” He stated as he slid down the door and leaned his head against the door frame. 

In the morning Yifan had called in sick to work, wanting to find a way to get Junmyeon to talk to him instead. He tried to get him out by ordering his favorite take out food, putting on his favorite movie. He broke a plate, wondering if Junmyeon would come in worry or fury, but nothing. Now he was getting to the method he hoped he wouldn’t have to use; getting into Junmyeon’s head. 

“Junmyeon, open the door. You can’t be in there all day.” He started out with.

No answer. 

"Junmyeon!” Yifan pretended to lose his patience but he couldn’t lie about his anxiety. What if this actually pushes Junmyeon further away from him. Once again nothing and he had no other choice but to continue. 

”Talk to me! Do you think you're the only one that's getting affected by this? We just found out about this and yet you’re already shutting me out! Is that what you want?" Junmyeon’s heart sped up upon realizing what he was doing. Was he really pushing Yifan away this soon? Those words simply triggered Junmyeon to get out of the white-sheeted bed and swung the door open. 

“Jun-” Words seized to escape past his lips, the moment the arms of his lover wrapped themselves around his torso. 

“I’m sorry, Fan.” The Korean male cried as Yifan tightened his embrace and buried his face against his neck, whispering that it's okay to cry. After an hour of standing and crying, Junmyeon was finding it hard to stand and Yifan knew which resulted in him picking Junmyeon up bridal style and carry him over to their bed. 

He laid down right next to him, wiping away his tears and kissed his forehead. 

"I'm scared, Yifan," Junmyeon whispered, fear is evident in his voice. 

“I know, I am too,” He responded, tucking Junmyeon under his chin and rubbed circles on his back. 

The room stayed silent for a few minutes until Junmyeon found enough strength to speak again. 

“Yifan, promise me that even if I forget you, you won’t leave me.” 

Kris repositioned himself so he was at Junmyeon’s eye level and stared directly at him with a reassuring glance. 

“Junmyeon, did I leave you when the doctor told us about your condition?” He shook his head. 

“Did I leave you when you decided to lock yourself away?” He shook his head again with a small sniff. 

“Then what makes you think I will leave when the worst is about to come? I will not leave you even if you try to push me away,” He placed a hand on the other’s cheek before continuing, “And when you forget how much I love you and how much you mean to me, I’ll remind you every time. I won’t leave you, Junmyeon, I promise.” He sealed his promise with a soft kiss on the lips and went back to their previous position. 

Junmyeon felt more at ease with the answer Yifan had given him but deep inside he felt like a terrible person. He was going to give a person he loved so much, such a hard time. He was going to forget him. He was going to forget their first encounter, their first date, their first kiss, their first time, their engagement. He was going to forget it all and it was a devastating thing to know. That wasn’t even the hardest part for him however, he was going to leave him someday and that’s what broke him the most. This person, who loves him so much, is willing to stay by his side despite knowing all of this, and as much as it made Junmyeon feel happy and safe, he also felt like he was selfish.

“I’m sorry, Yifan.” It was quiet but not unheard of.

Yifan pulled him closer, almost as if he was afraid he’d disappear and kissed the top of his head. 

“I love you, Junmyeon.” Those were the only words that Yifan managed to get out as he quietly cried, listening to Junmyeon’s loud and heartbreaking sobs until they died down and he was peacefully asleep in his arms.


	2. Step by Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, life throws difficult situations, and all you can do is be patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist for Memories:  
Lover - Park Hyo Shin  
Beautiful Goodbye - CHEN  
Forest - Jung Seung Hwan  
Sun and Moon - Sam Kim   
Lay Me Down - Sam Smith ft John Legend   
Wait - EXO  
Pray - Infinite   
Like We Used To - The Rose   
How Do I - Kevin Oh   
When You Fall - Sam Kim, Chai  
Unravel - TK  
Forever Love - X JAPAN  
Missing You - BTOB  
Play Goodbye - Amazarashi
> 
> If you would like to listen to it while reading here's a link to a playlist:  
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLblRJ_Ssp9HJq1W1uwuf7npbFsuBN5oEx

When Yifan had dragged Junmyeon to the doctor, they had been informed that Junmyeon was actually in stage three, entering four out of the seven stages. Hearing that was a, to say the least: shocking. 

[I]“How is it possible that I even have this?!” Junmyeon questioned quite loudly, while Yifan tried to calm him down by rubbing his back. 

[I]“I know it’s surprising, but even though it is quite rare, it is possible for someone as young as you are to develop Alzheimer's. I’m sorry…” The doctor sounded genuinely remorseful. 

[I]“Isn’t there a cure, or at least a treatment for it, Dr. Zhang?” Yifan had asked, as he kept rubbing Junmyeon’s back. 

[I]“There’s only some medication we can give him to reduce a few symptoms and moderate behavioral symptoms.” Dr. Zhang had explained as he handed his board over to his assistant.

[I]“Let’s schedule appointments every three months, okay? Minseok will see you outside to give you your prescription. I’m sorry about the results, Junmyeon… We’ll do our best to prolong some symptoms.”

[I]After Junmyeon had left the room, the doctor had stopped Yifan and had told him to cherish every moment he had with his partner and to be patient with him. He also mentioned that besides Junmyeon needing to see a therapist, it would be good if he saw a therapist as well. 

After being told the news, Yifan began recording down the most notable memories he had in each stage.

Stage one: Junmyeon began having behavioral changes. This isn’t exactly concerning since it happens to everyone, as the doctor said: it’s a normal stage. There’s nothing about this stage that would make you suspect that he has symptoms of the illness. 

Stage two: This is when Yifan began to think there was a problem with Junmyeon. Usually, this would be normal for someone who is of older age, but he forgot simple things, such as where he placed something, why he was in a certain room and a few minor events or memories that had happened moments prior and had difficulty in finding the correct words when speaking, but again this was also a bit normal for some people. Yes, Yifan was concerned but not enough to think they had to go to the doctor. That was until they got to stage three. 

[I]“Hey, fan fan, do you know where I left my phone at?” Junmyeon had stepped into the living room, frantically looking while Yifan was distracted with one of their two dogs. 

[I]Yifan had heard the question and looking around his area, but Right when he was about to answer his significant other, Junmyeon had cut him off stating in a confused tone: “Wait.. what was was I looking for? Why did I come into the living room again?”

[I]Yifan would only chuckle and cuddle his boyfriend once he was sitting beside him, finding it adorable at the moment that he had forgotten such a silly thing, and even had his phone in his hands. 

[I]He didn’t think so hard about it, believing it was just a small dumb moment his boyfriend had. 

Stage three: Mild cognitive impairment. This stage was only noticeable to those who were close to Junmyeon. Questions would be repeatedly asked, he had heard from Junmyeon’s coworkers that his job performance isn’t as good as it was so they had asked him if everything was okay at home, that maybe he was tired, but Yifan just felt like that wasn’t the case. Another thing was off was that Junmyeon was a very social person. He loved inviting friends over to dinner, go to parties and travel around, but he suddenly started declining such events. Not only was that out of character for him, but he also began experiencing anxiety. As far as he knew, his boyfriend of four years didn’t in fact, have an anxiety disorder. This stage lasted 2 years, so by the time they were together for six years, Yifan had finally taken him to the doctor, against Junmyeon’s wishes. 

[I]“Bun, I’m home!” The Chinese male announced as he closed the door behind him, yet no reply came back, but he figured that maybe Junmyeon didn’t hear him.

[I]He figured maybe the smaller might be in their room or the bathroom, so he ended up checking both places. Eventually, he found him on their balcony, but he was on the phone with someone, and Yifan wasn’t sure what the conversation was about, that it was making his partner tremble and stutter, seeming like he was about to cry. He made Junmyeon hang up, and sit down on one of their outside couches. 

[I]“What’s wrong, Myeon?” He asked quietly, stroking his lover’s hair, trying to calm him down from one of his many reoccurring anxiety attacks.

[I]“Sehun wanted us to go to a big family and friend’s dinner for his birthday, but I don’t want to go and I just-- I don’t know…” He complained, with a defeated sigh, as he rested his head on the other’s chest. 

[I]“You don’t want to go?” Yifan asked curiously since Junmyeon would always say yes to Sehun’s events

[I]At that moment Junmyeon looked at him, and blinked, looking confused, “Go where?”

[I]Now Yifan was even more concerned. This wasn’t normal. It wasn’t normal to forget something that happened seconds ago, and it also wasn’t normal for Junmyeon to suddenly get anxiety attacks, while he also tried to get away from any social events. 

This is around the time when the doctor had told them that Junmyeon was ending this stage already, and entering stage four, of his mental disorder.

Stage four consisted of Junmyeon not being able to manage complex everyday activities such as not being able to manage his finances, prepare meals, or go out to do groceries. He always had Yifan by his side, making sure everything was okay. This stage also had symptoms that included the inability to recall big events or recent events, even being unable to recall the day, week, month or year. However, he was able to remember things such as their address, his phone number, or other things such as what country they live in or who their president is. It was quite difficult, but Junmyeon could still do some things on his own and recall some events and memories, which Yifan tried to focus on as a positive thing.

However, this stage was still emotionally and mentally draining for Yifan. Junmyeon, as the doctor had explained to him, isn’t aware that his actions such as withdrawing from conversations or being less affectionate, are hurting him. He had explained that it’s something patients often due to being afraid of showing their deficiencies.

It hurt, it hurt so much to see his now-husband of a year be unaware that he’s pushing him away. It was frustrating, but he had to be patient.

Stage five: This stage is known as the Moderate stage. Junmyeon had become more and more dependent on Yifan in this stage. The illness had started to affect Junmyeon’s abilities to do basic everyday things such as dress himself. Yifan had now taken upon himself to choose his husband’s clothes as he would often forget to change, or he wouldn’t dress appropriately for the weather. At this stage, Junmyeon was also never alone, as the doctor said it’s safer to have someone watch over him when they go out. It was hard on Yifan, but he was happy to have friends and family who helped him out. Not only was Junmyeon unable to do basic activities, and he was also unable to recall aspects of his current life, as well as information, was help loosely. This stage would last a year and a half before stage six started. 

Stage Six: Moderately Severe. It has become harder for Junmyeon to get dressed before he was able to do it himself, even though Yifan picked out his outfit. Now Yifan would have to help him get into his attire. The older remembers when Junmyeon would try to get dressed, he would always put on his shirt or pants, backward, or put his arm or leg through the correct sleeve, there were even times he would dress in the wrong sequence. Yifan didn’t complain however, he had a therapist he can rant to about anything, anyway, but he tried his best to be a loving and patient husband. Hygiene was also hard for Junmyeon to keep up with. Yifan would bathe him and remind him to brush his teeth. There was a lot that Junmyeon wasn’t able to do anymore without him. He couldn’t do anything without him. The stage also affected his ability to recognize people. He would often misidentify them, or at times completely forget who they are. Eventually, towards the end of his stage, his ability to speak was also affected.

[I]The house had an almost burning scent to it, which worried Yifan as he had recently gotten home from work. He immediately went straight to the kitchen to make sure the smaller was okay, however as soon as he stepped into the kitchen he was quite surprised. Junmyeon was cooking, yes that was already a big anxiety attack for Yifan, but he wasn’t even sure how to make him stop without something bad happening. He quietly approached, peeking over Junmyeon’s shoulder to see what he was cooking.

[I]“What are you making?” He said quietly, but the only reply he got was Junmyeon screaming in fear, dropping his chopsticks, as he tried to get away from Yifan. 

[I]“Who are you?! Why are you in my house! Get out! I’ll call the police.” He threatened as he tried to find something near him to use to defend himself with, looking afraid and visibly shaking, and threw anything he could.

[I]This wasn’t the first time an incident like this has happened, but it never fails to break Yifan’s heart. His now husband has forgotten him again. He carefully approached the crying man, while trying to dodge the items thrown at him, with his hands held out to show he didn’t have anything and that he wasn’t going to hurt him.

[I]“Hey, it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you,” he spoke softly and slowly, slowly approaching him some more. “I’m Wu Yifan. I live here with you. I’m your husband.” He pointed at himself as he explained, then kneeled in front of the younger one, who sat on the floor holding a large spoon close to his chest. 

[I]“Husband?” He rose an eyebrow, while the taller nodded, showing him his wedding ring. 

[I]“Do you want to see some pictures?” Yifan smiled softly, as he held out his hand to lead his significant other to their living room, where he grabbed photobooks from their bookshelves to show Junmyeon pictures from way back to their first date.

[I]It was a while, but Yifan had calmed him down, and reassured him that he would make them dinner. This memory stuck the most due to never before have seen Junmyeon in such fear, and how heartbroken Yifan felt to have been forgotten for even just a brief moment. For every brief moment that kept becoming more and more of a routine. 

That stage lasted a year and a half before they moved onto the last stage… 

Stage Seven: Severe, the final stage. At this point, the doctor had informed Yifan that it would be best if Junmyeon was put in a home for people with the illness since he didn’t have that much time left, but Yifan didn’t feel quite comfortable with not having his husband around. He felt like he needed him no matter what his conditions were. Junmyeon wasn’t able to speak anymore. He could only manage to say a few intelligible words, but that was about it. He also required help to walk or do anything for that matter. He wasn’t even able to eat as that has also become hard, and even moving has become somewhat painful. Yifan would cry as he saw how his husband just seemed so lifeless as all he could do was sit up by himself. He was so weak in every possible way, but Yifan tried his best along with Dr. Zhang, to try and keep Junmyeon for as long as he could, but eventually, he had to be hospitalized, as he had gotten pneumonia.

Yifan stood next to him till his dying breath, and even now, standing in front of his grave, he only smiled at all the memories they had. 

“Junmyeon, it’s our anniversary today…” He smiled fondly, as he set down a bouquet of Forget Me Nots, on the side of the gravestone.

He kneeled there for a second, taking deep breathes, and exhaled, shakingly. 

“I miss you so much…” He whispered, the smile still playing on his lips, but tears blurring his vision. 

He will always remember him and the love they once shared.


End file.
